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by BayleyWinchester



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Abusive Sonia Kaspbrak, Alternate Universe - Pennywise is Defeated in the First Battle (IT), Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Depression, Dialogue Heavy, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mind Reading, Physical Abuse, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Soft Richie Tozier, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Supportive Losers Club (IT), Swearing, Teenage Losers Club (IT), The Losers Club Have Powers (IT), The Losers Club Have the Shining (IT), The Losers Club Stay in Derry (IT), Underage Drinking, mention of murder, mind reading au, recovering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26264518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BayleyWinchester/pseuds/BayleyWinchester
Summary: “We were close, weren’t we?” Beverly says. “Close enough to read each other’s minds.”It may have meant as a curse, but they were taking it as a gift. The power to read each others minds was more than they could have asked for. Especially when it saved Eddie's life when he tried to take it.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 104
Collections: Labor Day Book Quote Challenge (2020)





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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to the awesome bimmyshrug and richieblows for this amazing collection! I loved writing this and can't wait to read everyone else's. 
> 
> My quote was "“We were close, weren’t we?” Beverly says. “Close enough to read each other’s minds.”" Which I am happy to say was my first pick! 
> 
> TWs:  
> Suicide attempt and depression  
> Child abuse (physical, emotional)   
> Underage drinking   
> Richie is a Trashmouth
> 
> Enjoy.

It started slowly. They didn’t even notice at first. After that night, down in the sewer with Pennywise standing over them, they changed. Just how dramatically, however, none of them knew until later. 

Why it got worse, or better depending, as they grew they didn’t know. Had it always been so intense and they had never noticed? Surely not, with how much it affected their lives by the time they were in their senior year of school. So it must have grown alongside them, which begged the question: why?

Not that the Losers really cared why. It happened. It was generally a good thing. Or one of the worst things that could happen to them including their trip to the sewers, depending on who’s perspective. 

Why the Losers could read each other's minds? That wasn’t something they could answer. It wasn’t something they wanted to answer. Not when they coils do what they could do. 

~

They always knew that they were weirdly close. Everyone knew that. The entire town knew that. It was the main reason people kept away from them. (That and the fact every single one of them had threatened at least one person and the majority of the club had gone through with the threat.) Maybe that was why they never noticed how some of their thoughts weren’t actually theirs because they were weirdly close. 

It was Richie who figured out what was going on. Over music. 

All of them were at his house, his stereo on as they lounged about. They were fourteen, Bill and Richie already fifteen, and alone after a week of school. Friday’s were always a relief, their refuge. They had mixtapes where each person got to choose a song on the list with Eddie’s song - Def Leppard, which Richie had gotten him on thank you - finishing and Ben’s song coming on. Some boy band that Richie hated but tolerated for his friend. His mind, apparently, had different thoughts. 

Because as the opening cords started his thought was how this was his favourite song. That was simply not true. Practically slander against his good name, thank you, Richie thought - which caused Ben to frown where he was sitting against the wall next to Stan and Mike. 

He looked around. What he was expecting was his friends to be wrapped up in their own activities. What he got were all six of his friends looking at him in confusion. Why were they confused? How did they know to be confused? 

Richie did the thing that made the most sense. Screamed inside his own head. 

“What the fuck?” Eddie yelled as soon as he did, his hands flying up as if to cup his ears and block out the noise. The others copied that sentiment. 

“What the fuck?” Richie repeated. “You heard that, didn’t you? I heard Ben!” 

“What are you talking about?” Stan asked. 

Ben looked even more confused after Richie spoke, “what do you mean, you heard me?” 

“You were thinking about how you liked this song, weren’t you?” Richie asked and Ben nodded slowly. “I heard it. I thought it as well. It was in my head. But I wouldn’t have thought that, I don’t like this song.” 

“I thought that too,” Mike said. “I was excited to hear this song.” 

“Same, I thought about how I hadn’t heard it in a long time,” Bill muttered. They all looked at Ben, who nodded, confirming that was what he had thought - and that that’s what they all had thought as well. At the same time. About a song that not all of them liked. It didn’t make any sense. Bill continued, “I heard this s-song on the radio this morning, and I noticed because I know Ben likes it. I wouldn’t think that.” 

“So you’re suggesting that,” Mike trailed off and looked at Richie again. 

Richie nodded his head slowly, “we didn’t think it. Ben thought it.” 

“You sound insane,” Beverly mused from the bed, “but we heard you scream, didn’t we?” 

“And felt your confusion,” Bill said. 

“So are you saying that we can hear each other's thoughts?”

“Mind reading isn’t where I’d draw the line,” Mike said, looking over to Stan. 

Richie shrugged, “it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing we’ve dealt with. It kind of makes sense, if you think about it.”

“We were close, weren’t we?” Beverly says. “Close enough to read each other’s minds.”

Ben smiled at her, “apparently we are.” 

“No,” she shook her head but was smiling softly. “Before. That summer.” No one argued with her. 

_ Okay _ , Richie thought, _ touch your head if you can hear me _ . None of his friends moved. They kept talking amongst themselves as Richie thought it through.  _ Come on guys, listen to me _ .

_ Can you hear me?  _ Richie’s head snapped up, staring straight at Eddie. That was him. That was Eddie, in his head. Eddie had a little smile on his face.  _ I’m taking that as a yes. _

_ Can you hear me?  _ Richie asked, Eddie didn’t reply. Just tilted his head to the side as if he was waiting for a reply. Richie shrugged his shoulders up and shook his head. 

_ I just thought of your face and imagined talking to you.  _

It took him a moment to work it out before he tried again. It wasn’t exactly hard to picture Eddie in his mind. It wasn’t something he had no practise doing, truth be told. He tried again, trying to picture what Eddie had done.  _ Now? _ Eddie nodded, smiling at Richie widely from across the room. Vaguely, Richie was aware that the others had stopped talking in favour of watching them.  _ You know this means I can talk to you when I jerk off? _

Eddie threw a pillow at him. 

~

After that night they became mind-reading geniuses, at least Richie thought. There weren’t that many vying for the position. Eddie had explained how he had figured it out, all of them able to talk to one person in their minds. And then, by the end of the night, they’d figured how to talk to the entire group. It was the same premise, imagine talking to the entire group and then talk in your head. They even figured they could talk to people in little groups, just three or four of them. 

It was fucking awesome. 

For a group that only saw real happiness when they were together, it was perfect. They were now always together. Most of the time they kept the ‘door’ open. All of their thoughts being shared with the others in the background. At first, it had been difficult, trying to deal with six more streams of consciousness. But over the first few months, they got the hang of it, easily able to keep the others’ thoughts towards the back. Their thoughts forefront in their own minds. Occasionally they’d shut each other out, Eddie more than the others, but in general, they were constantly connected. 

They also found that they could project their own emotions onto the others, but only if it was stronger than normal. Another thing that they could do was cheat at school. Sure, it wasn’t ethical, but they had the smartest student at Derry High in their heads so of course, they were going to use it. Richie found himself being that target of questions throughout the day, especially when one of his friends was being tested. 

Over the years they’d figured out how to block whoever they wanted, close themselves off completely and send mental images to each other. As Richie said, they were mind-reading genius. 

_ Richie! _ Eddie shouted into his head, _ where are you? _

_ Crossing the kissing bridge _ , Richie replied absolutely not letting his thoughts go anywhere else with that. 

_ Weren't we supposed to meet at five? _ Stan asked, Richie could feel the eye roll that accompanied it. He could also hear the responding laughter from his other friends, meaning that Stan had absolutely rolled his eyes at Richie even though he wasn’t there. Maybe he even sighed that way he did when he needed to pretend that he was annoyed at Richie, or sometimes Eddie. Stan continued, not replying to Richie’s thoughts on the subject.  _ We’re waiting for you _ . 

_ Yeah yeah, _ Richie muttered as he pushed his legs harder willing his bike to pick up speed. 

Eddie disappeared from the collective thought. That was unusual when he was with everyone else, it was reserved for when he was home. The others noticed but said nothing about it. Then there was a pressure in Richie’s head, meaning that someone was trying to talk to him privately. Eddie. Richie blocked off the others and opened his mind up to Eddie. 

_ Hey Eds.  _

_ You know the other day, you blocked me out when you were on the kissing bridge. You did it right now as well.  _

_ Don’t know what you’re talking about.  _

_ You know that you didn’t block me out when you did the actual carving. I don’t know but I’m pretty sure I’m the only Eddie you know. I hope I am anyway. _

Richie crashed his bike. 

As he lay on the ground with his eyes closed off he could feel the panic that his friends were feeling as they climbed out of the clubhouse to find him. Richie was closed off, had been since Eddie had said - that. So they must be really scared for him to still feel it so clearly. Or maybe he was just really bad at closing his friends off. Richie refused to open his eyes, even if he wouldn’t be able to see anyway. His glasses weren’t on his face anymore. 

There was a pressure in his head. His friends were trying to get into his mind but Eddie was the loudest. He was always the loudest. Was that because Eddie was loud or because Richie always listened? That was embarrassingly sappy. Richie was glad that his mind was closed off. He never let himself think that way around his friends. Didn’t want them to know he could get that way - especially about a boy. Especially about Eddie. 

“Rich?” Eddie spoke out loud. Richie felt his glasses being placed on his face again. “The others went back to the clubhouse.”

“That was the worst moment of my life,” Richie muttered. 

“Because I told you I knew or because you crashed your bike?” 

Richie opened his eyes, staring directly up at a smiling Eddie who was kneeling over him. It was a sight. “Both?”

“I don’t think the first one is that bad.”

“I guess it depends how you react?”

Eddie giggled, “to you being gay or to you being in love with me?” He sang out the word love, teasing Richie like he loved to do. 

“Both.”

The pressure was back, Eddie trying to get into Richie’s head. He sent him an unconvinced look, to which Eddie upped the pressure. When he did open his mind, he was met with an image of Eddie’s bedroom from Eddie’s bed and through Eddie’s eyes. In the image Eddie watched as Richie carved their initials into the kissing bridge - his thoughts cut off to the Losers but not to Eddie. They often kept their one-way thoughts open when they were closed to the others. And then he watched as Eddie grabbed a pen, copying the carving onto his leg with a heart surrounding it.

Richie took a moment to answer.  _ That’s pretty gay _ .

_ I’d hope so _ .

_ Wanna get hitched?  _

_ As soon as it’s legal. _ Eddie promised before leaning down and pressing a short, innocent kiss to Richie’s lips.  _ Wanna be my boyfriend? _

_More than anything,_ Richie said with a dreamy little sigh. Eddie giggled again, rocking back so Richie could sit up. The two of them stayed like that, smiling at each other stupidly. _I love you, Eds._

_ I love you too. Even if your nicknames are awful. _

_ Don’t lie, I know you love them. _

~

They were happy. As happy as a bunch of Losers with mind-reading powers could be in a town like Derry. At least they thought that they were all happy. 

All of the Losers, aside from Richie, had a somewhat strained relationship with their guardians. Beverly’s aunt was lovely and had agreed to move to Derry so Bev could stay but they didn’t know each other which made it hard. Bill’s parents were as distant as ever, and Stan’s were either distant or in Stan’s face day to day. Mike’s and Ben’s relationships with their grandad and mother respectively had always been tense but they could be worse. And Richie, who had the best relationship with his parents out of all of them. 

Then there was Eddie. There wasn’t a soul in Derry who didn’t know about Sonia and Eddie’s relationship. Hell, it was written all over the bathroom stalls at school. Little Eddie Kaspbrak and his crazy mother and their trips to the ER every other weekend, the pharmacy every day. For a very public relationship, Eddie certainly kept quiet on the subject. Blocking the others out when his mother was nearby, never thinking about her or changing the subject if she was ever brought up. 

Richie knew, he suspected Beverly knew. Stan probably knew. The others knew something was up but Richie doubted they got the full extent of what was happening. Hell, Richie didn’t even know. Eddie was a stubborn shit and if he didn’t want someone to know something, they weren’t going to know. 

So it was surprising, and rage-inducing, to find out the full extent one afternoon. They were sixteen, in their sophomore year of high school and dying to leave Derry. All the Losers were in their own bedrooms, discussing weekend plans and homework troubles and anything else that crossed their minds. Both Beverly and Richie were listening to music in their own rooms, which meant that everyone had to listen to two different songs of two different genres at once. They found it funny, the other Losers did not. 

_ I’m just saying _ , Richie thought,  _ that I think homework is a waste of time.  _

_ Easy for you to say. _

_ Why’s that, Stan the man? _

_ You don’t have to try. Homework gives us plebs some extra opportunities.  _

_ To be fair,  _ Beverly cut in _ , we do have Richie in our heads. We don’t have to try either. _

Ben and Mike chuckled at that, Stan rolled his eyes and Richie preened thinking thoughts he knew would get Stan to call him stupid. Eddie was reading a comic, but Richie could feel the humour he was feeling through the conversation. 

_ I’d like to graduate on my own merit. _

_ Not what you said yesterday during that biology exam.  _

_ Shut up, Richie. _

They were all laughing now, even Eddie had abandoned reading in order to join in. They took turns taking jabs at each other. Firing off insults while laughing alone in their rooms. If anyone saw one Loser they’d be labelled crazy. 

Ben got in a particularly good insult of Richie which sent Eddie into a loud and long laughter fit. If that had happened only a few months ago Richie would have had to direct his thoughts somewhere else, but now they were dating (engaged, according to Richie) so he was allowed to be as sappy as he wanted. Which meant that he was extremely sappy, constantly, in everyone’s head. Just constantly thinking about Eddie, it was very romantic if he did say so himself.

_ Dude _ , Bill complained. _ Shut up. I keep thinking that I’m in love with Eddie.  _

_ It is a problem _ , Mike replied. 

_ All of you can fuck off, Eddie’s my baby. _

_ I’m no one’s baby. _

_ We’re aware that you two are in love, _ Stanley deadpanned.  _ That’s the problem. You’re too in love. I keep thinking that I’m with Richie. It’s confusing. _

_ Eds! That means you love me. _

_ Who would have thought it, seeing as we’re dating? _

_ Did you guys know I love him?  _ The responding answer was ‘yes, fuck you, Richie’. Eddie was giggling as their friends made fun of them, Richie sat and listened to Eddie giggle with his own smile on his face.

Apparently Eddie was having so much fun in his head that he had left the real world. Before he, and therefore the rest of them, could register anything, Sonia was standing in his bedroom. She was scowling, staring straight at Eddie from where she stood at the end of his bed. Usually, this would be the time he would block all his thoughts, not coming back for a few hours afterwards. Not this time though. 

This time he froze, a paralysing wave of fear rolling over each Loser. Richie damn near started crying it was so intense. 

Eddie didn’t say anything in his head. Going completely silent. The other Losers followed suit. Richie doubted that he even knew he was still in their heads at all. He’d never let them see this. He almost called out to leave, for everyone to block Eddie so he didn’t have to deal with this. But he couldn’t. The fear stopping him from trying to speak. 

“What are you laughing at?”

“My comic.”

Richie didn’t think he had ever heard Eddie sound so - so small. It made his heart clench, having to listen to the boy he loved sound like that. He never wanted Eddie to sound like that again. 

“I don’t like you reading those,” Sonia said as she picked the comic off the bed, it hanging limply in her grasp. “They fill your head with nonsense.” Eddie didn’t reply and Sonia didn’t put the comic down either. “I wanted to let you know that Pastor Green is coming over for dinner tonight so I need you to behave.”

“Yes, mommy. I will.”

“Because last time you were the worst behaved boy I’d ever seen,” Sonia sneered. A flash of an image appeared in Eddie’s mind. Him, sitting at the dinner table silently and obediently and Sonia and a man talked. Another flash, this time Sonia screaming at Eddie as he did the dishes. Another flash, Eddie laying in bed with a red mark on his face and neck, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Weren’t you?”

“Yes, mommy.”

“I do not need the entire church thinking I have some disobedient child on my hands. It’s bad enough the entire town thinks you’re a sinner.”

The fear Eddie was feeling was more than he’d ever felt before, Richie was sure of it. But he wasn’t surprised. He knew how the church felt. A memory flashed up again, a group of churchgoers staring at Eddie and whispering behind his back. Calling him the same names as the kids at school. A sense of annoyance accompanied the memory leading Richie to believe that they didn’t know for sure. He’d never been found out or told anyone. The members of his congregation simply thought he was gay for whatever reason. Probably because he was smaller than most and hung out with Richie too much. That was enough for the kids at school anyway. 

“Having dinner with Pastor Green might be good for you,” Sonia continued. “Sometimes I blame myself, you never had a good godly man to look up to when you were growing up. It might be nice to interact with one. Do you agree?”

“I’m not gay, mommy.”

“I know, Eddie-Bear. You’re just confused, that’s all.”

Eddie frowned. He frowned as his mother spoke. And for that, Richie felt proud for his boyfriend. He knew it couldn’t be easy to show any emotion in that house. Let alone the bad ones he was feeling. The Losers felt them, the barrage of negative feelings as his mother spoke to him like that. Disappointment, failure, annoyance, disbelief, sadness and fear all wrapped up with pretty packaging. Eddie didn’t seem to be unfamiliar to feeling those emotions, hardly reacting as he sat there, staring sadly at his mother. 

Sonia also noticed the frown. And she did not seem proud like Richie or worried like their friends. 

It was interesting. Over the course of the two years, they’d had these mind powers they’d discovered a lot of things. Like projecting emotions or memories or thoughts. But one thing they’d never tried was physical pain. Turns out, that was projected just as easily. 

As Eddie’s head turned to the side, a little gasp echoing in his head, the others felt it. Richie knew they felt it. It was shared with all of them. He felt them feel it just as he felt himself and Eddie feel it. Eddie not even knowing that he had done it. Sonia grabbed hold of Eddie’s hair, pulling him back to look at her harshly, sneering down at him as she did it. Richie’s hand flew to his own head. A phantom pain shared amongst friends. 

The second hit was worse. Maybe because it was stronger or because Eddie’s head couldn’t move. His mother's hand was still wrapped in his hair. God, Richie loved running his hands through it. Did Eddie feel his mother’s hand whenever he did? Eddie whimpered again. 

“Why do you do this to me?” She asked, still holding his hair in a painful grip. When he didn’t answer she shook his head, whipping his neck around. “Don’t you love me anymore? You treat me so badly.”

Eddie started crying. His emotions were a jumbled mess. Hurt seemed to be the main one. 

It probably didn’t help that his friends were in the back of his head with the same, jumbled up and upset emotions. 

“You’ll behave tonight,” Sonia said as she finally let go of Eddie’s hair. Eddie slumped slightly when she did. “You are aware of what I will do otherwise.” She leant down and pressed a kiss to Eddie’s forehead, seemingly not noticing the wince, before leaving the room. Eddie buried his head in hands and, in a moment that Richie thought he’d never forget, sobbed silently. All the Losers were silent.

Before any of them could reach out, Eddie started thinking. Quickly. His mother's final words ringing in his head as a montage of Sonia hurting Eddie started playing through everyone’s heads. It didn’t stop, each scene getting worse and more violent. Images of Eddie being beaten while being screamed at. Constantly being told that he was a bad son, a shit person who didn’t deserve anything nice at all. Not just for his perceived gayness but for everything and everything.

It felt like it would never end. But it did, eventually. Eddie tiring himself out as he thought, falling to his side as he continued to sob silently into his hands. 

_ Eds? _

The silent heaving of his shoulders stopped. Eddie didn’t move.  _ You saw that? _

_ Yeah, baby, we did. _

_ I’m so sorry. _ And then, Eddie cut himself off. 

~

Richie found himself sitting behind Eddie’s neighbour' s fence that night. Eddie hadn’t spoken to any of them since, well, that. Not mentally, not when Richie and Ben called at different times and not when Bill turned up at his house. All three of them were intercepted by Sonia and told to leave, though Richie had a suspicion that Eddie wasn’t as upset as he would normally be. 

So Richie decided to turn up after the dinner. He needed to talk to Eddie. It wouldn’t be long now until he could get inside. Once Sonia was knocked out on her sleep meds like every night. He’d climb up the wall and swing his way into Eddie’s room. He just hoped Eddie wouldn’t instantly kick him out. Of course, Richie would respect those wishes, but it would be better if Eddie didn’t even try. 

Beverly was putting pressure on him, trying to get him to open up. When he did she sent a mental image of all of them, getting him to open his mind to everyone. All the Losers aside from Eddie were there. None of them were in a good mood. In fact, the group as a whole had been projecting some very strong and very negative emotions all day. Richie’s parents thought he was crazy when he felt both a surge of anger and sadness over lunch.

_ Is he gone? _ Stan asked.

_ No _ , Richie replied, sending his vision through to them. The Kasprak house with the Pastor’s car in the driveway.  _ I don’t think it’ll be much longer.  _

_ He was involved _ , Bill thought softly.  _ He has to be _ . 

_ Is he _ \- Ben cut himself off but they all saw what he was thinking. An image of the Pastor hurting Eddie, only a few feet away from Richie. They all felt another surge of anger, Richie couldn’t tell who it had come from.  _ Sorry _ .

_ Probably.  _

_ Why do you say that, Bev? _ Mike asked.

_ Why else would Sonia invite him over? Even if it isn’t physical, they’ll both be saying the same kind of thing. Especially about him being gay.  _

_ She doesn’t know that, _ Stan argued. 

_ She knows enough to hurt Eddie _ , Beverly replied. 

The front door opened, the Pastor stepping out. Richie sent the Losers enough information so they knew that before closing off his mind again. He needed to be level headed when he talked to Eddie. The negative thoughts and feelings that weren’t his were not helping him stay calm. And Eddie deserved to talk to whoever he wanted. If that was just Richie, then it was just Richie. Richie would do everything he could to keep this conversation private if he needed to. No one pushed him to come back, Richie guessing they understood the need for some privacy. 

Finally, almost fifteen minutes after the pastor had left Sonia’s light went out. Richie had been sneaking into the Kasprak house long enough to know that it would only take a minute for her sleep meds to kick in. After that, she wouldn’t wake up for the apocalypse. Richie opened his mind just enough to let his friends know what was going on - they had calmed down as well which was good - before he headed around the back of the house.

Eddie’s window was closed but Richie was good at opening it from the outside. While hanging onto the wall. He did as he did often, pushing the window open and carefully falling into Eddie’s room. The main lights were out but his bedside lamp was still on like it would be every night. Every Loser had some kind of nightlight now. The darkness was too much to handle. Eddie himself was laying on his bed, curled up on his side and facing away from the window and Richie. 

“Eds?” He spoke quietly, moving towards the bed. 

“Go away.”

“I will if you want me to,” Richie answered, “but you don’t need to push me away.”

“You all saw. You know.”

Richie sat down on the bed. God, Eddie sounded so broken. His voice was so small and shattered. As if his friends knowing that his mother was abusing him was the worst part of the situation, not the abuse. He turned after a moment, tucking into Richie’s side slightly and grabbing his hand to hold. Richie was just glad that he wasn’t pushing him away. He held Eddie’s hand with both of his. 

“We did.”

“You’re not allowed to know.”

“Sonia is an evil spiteful bitch,” Richie replied, “she’s wrong.”

Eddie shook his head, “she’s not evil. She’s right. I am an awful son, Richie, I am.”

“That’s bull, Eds, you are not a bad son.”

“Tonight,” Eddie hiccuped, “I dropped Pastor Green’s drink. The cup broke and his drink went everywhere. A good son wouldn’t have done that.”

“Eddie, that’s not - Eds do you know how many times I’ve dropped a glass? One time I spilt red wine all over my mom’s white rug. She didn’t beat me for it.”

“It’s different.”

Richie shifted so he was laying on the bed, letting Eddie come to him. Which he did, resting his head on Richie’s chest. Their hands still threaded together and resting on Richie’s stomach. With his other hand, Richie went to run his fingers through Eddie’s hair but stopped before he could. The image of Sonia gripping him in such an awful way in his mind. “How is it different, my love?”

“You-” Eddie stopped talking. He put pressure on Richie mentally, to which Richie opened his mind instantly. He made sure to keep his mind neutral and clam. Not a frenzy of crazed thoughts like it had been while Eddie was talking out loud. That would not help the situation at hand.  _ You’re a good son _ .

In response, Richie played a montage of Maggie and Went sighing or rolling their eyes at Richie. Eddie seemed lighter for it, huffing at a few of the situations Richie had put himself in over the last few weeks.  _ You’re better than me _ , he thought once that was over,  _ but that doesn’t even matter _ .

_ What? _

_ You don’t need to be the best son to not be beaten. The things she said to you, Eds, they were awful and you don’t deserve it at all.  _

Eddie stayed quiet, even in his head. 

_ You don’t believe me?  _

_ My mom loves me, _ Eddie argued weakly.  _ She wouldn’t lie to me.  _

_ Can you please talk to the Losers. Please? They’re worried and I know they want to speak to you.  _

A moment later and Eddie pulled back from the private conversation. Both he and Eddie entered the group’s mind at the same time. All of the Losers were there, open minds and ready to talk. Everyone stayed reserved, obviously trying not to overwhelm Eddie. Which was borderline funny seeing as they could read each other’s minds and they all knew what they were doing. 

_ At least we’re trying not to be overwhelming. I doubt you can ever say the same _ Stan snapped. 

Eddie laughed slightly at that.  _ He was very underwhelming when he came in. _

_ Underwhelming? _ Richie muttered. 

_ I’m sure he meant in a nice way, _ Mike replied with a laugh. 

_ Richie lives his life to be overwhelming. I think it’s an insult in any way. _

_ I can’t say that’s not true, Ben. _

_ Are you okay, Eddie? _ Bill asked, sounding like a man who had run out of patience. 

_ Yes, Billy, I’m okay. _

_ You’re hurt _ , Bill replied. Richie didn’t think he had heard Bill sound so broken since - well that summer. From the collective thinking, he wasn’t alone in that thought. Even Eddie seemed to realise just how upset Bill was over this.  _ Don’t worry about me. _

_ It wasn’t that bad, Billy. She was just upset,  _ Eddie replied _.  _ Before he could stop it, Richie thought of Eddie telling him that his mother loved him even while she hurt him. Eddie frowned at him and Richie sent him an apologetic look. He truly hadn’t meant to tell their friends that. Eddie looked away, forgiving him.  _ I wasn’t wrong, she does love me. _

_ That’s not love _ , Beverly replied. 

_ She does. _

_ My father did not love me. Your mother does not love you. I’m sorry Eddie. _

At that, Eddie took himself out of the conversation. Richie looked down at him in a mild panic. “Please talk to us, baby?” 

“I’m talking to Bev.”

“Alright. That’s good.”

Richie let the others know where both Beverly and Eddie had gone. Bill was still the most devastated. His emotions were being sent across the bond in such an intense way. Richie didn’t think he’d ever felt another’s emotions so vividly.  _ Sorry _ , Bill sighed. 

_ Don’t apologize _ , Stan dismissed.  _ We’re all upset.  _

_ How did we not know? _

_ Eddie made sure to keep it to himself, _ Ben answered. Y _ ou don’t need to beat yourself up over it.  _

It was clear that both Richie and Bill disagreed. Both of them were going to place blame on themselves no matter what their friends said. 

~

For the next few months, nothing really changed aside from Eddie’s outlook. His mother still hurt him and he refused to do anything to help himself or make her stop but his friends were there. Making sure that he knew he wasn’t in the wrong no matter what she said. Slowly but surely he started to believe them. He’d talk to them after she got angry and even started reminding himself that she was wrong and he wasn’t who she said he was. 

Richie was really fucking proud. 

The group got closer for it. Which Richie would have considered impossible seeing how close they were before. But they managed. They were seventeen and loving life. Only one more year and then they could fuck off, together of course, and head west. Somewhere where no one knew them and no one cared to know them. It was all they wanted and it was what they deserved. They had decided that years ago. 

_ Whoever is that happy can you shut the fuck up _ , Stan said,  _ I am trying to study. _

_ Wow, Stan the Man. Real nice of you. You can’t even let your friends be happy.  _

_ Oh leave him alone _ , Beverly chided. 

Ben laughed,  _ Richie leaving Stan alone? I’d love to see the day. _

_ I never get any peace and quiet.  _

_ That’s what you get for agreeing to be my friend. Your own fault. _

_ I regret it every day _ , Stan replied but it wasn’t easy to tell a lie when everyone could read your thoughts. 

_What time are you coming over tonight?_ Mike asked, cutting Richie’s thoughts off. It was the bi-weekly Loser’s Saturday sleepover. This time hosted at the Hanlon farm. Which was the best place to host it because they could go out into the fields. _My grandad is going to visit my cousin so we have the house to ourselves._ _Only rule is no drinking._

_ And will we be respecting that?  _ Richie asked.

Bill simply sent a mental image of the beer he had already bought and was storing in his fridge. Good enough for Richie. He was pretty sure that he had some vodka laying around somewhere in his bedroom.

_ Who would know? _ Ben asked,  _ your room’s a mess. _

_ Organised chaos. _

_ Disgusting _ . Stan muttered.

_ What’s disgusting? _ Eddie asked, finally entering the group headspace again. He’d been gone too long, Richie was getting worried. _ It was like five minutes, Rich. Calm down.  _

_ So long. _

_ I was just wondering what time you were coming over tonight, _ Mike told Eddie. 

Instantly Eddie’s move went south. The resounding question that everyone seemed to be asking was ‘can you come?’. All at the same time so it made it difficult to figure out who was asking what. But the general idea was there. Eddie cut above everyone else, all of them falling quite when he did.  _ No, I can come tonight but my mom got angry at me before and she just -  _ he cut himself off.

_ You can tell us,  _ Bev prompted. 

_ I don’t look great. _

_ You always look good, Eds, it’s why I love you. _

_ I thought you loved me because I gave you half my brownie. It’s what you said yesterday at lunch. _

_ I love you for many reasons. Your dick included.  _ And with that, all of his friends blocked him out. Jokes on them, he could hear them laughing when they did. 

Later on in the day, Richie found himself with all his friends minus Eddie at Mike’s. Being together physically was always a little weird. In public they had to talk out loud, otherwise, they looked completely crazy. They’d keep their minds open and anything they didn’t want to say out loud would be said through their connection but they still spoke. Just to keep up appearances. But when they were together and alone it became weird. Did they talk to each other or did they use their minds? 

Talking out loud was harder, more time consuming and you could never completely convey what you meant. But it was almost like practise for when they were in public. Usually, they ended up with a mix of both, only speaking for emphasis or if they were having multiple conversations amongst themselves. But they never fully closed off their minds when they were together either. The presence of others in their heads had become soothing to all of them. When it was gone, well, it sucked. 

_ I’m about a minute out _ , Eddie said. The rest of them weren’t really saying anything, all of them just laying around the barn and listening to music from Stan’s boombox.  _ But I need you guys to promise me something? _

They all agreed. Mostly in a non-verbal way, just projecting the feeling of agreeing. They’d gotten good at communicating like that.

_ It’s about what happened before. She got pretty angry and, yeah. I just want you guys not to get mad? _ Eddie explained, doing a very good job not letting his thoughts stray. He gave no indication of what had happened or why they’d be mad - although it wasn’t hard to guess the basics. Eddie sighed in his head, reading all the thoughts that Richie and the others had on the subject. _ I know. It looks bad but I don’t want to ruin the night.  _

_ You’re not going to ruin the night, _ Bill replied. 

_ Yeah _ , Ben agreed.  _ You couldn’t.  _

_ I’m just coming up the driveway now.  _

The group stood up, almost in sync - _ we should become synchronised divers. We’d have an advantage over everyone else _ \- and headed out of the barn. It was towards the back of the driveway, and from the doors, they could see Eddie passing the house. He hopped off his bike and kicked the kickstand down, placing it beside Stan’s. The rest of them in a pile. Richie was still thinking about them becoming some sort of synchronised athletes, the others forced to listen, when Eddie reached them.

It was just for a moment. A split second before Richie realised and shut his mind off. But they all heard. And they heard enough. Richie wanted to kill Sonia. 

Eddie’s throat was covered in a bruise, two handprints circling his neck. His lip was split and his arms covered in purple bruises. As soon as Eddie saw them, the concern in their eyes and worry pulsing through the connection, tears welled up in his eyes. He looked at each of them individually, Richie wasn’t sure if he had cut his mind off or not. And then he looked at Richie. He looked scared. 

“Eds,” Richie muttered before stepping forward. Eddie didn’t flinch back or even react so Richie took it as a sign to pull him into his arms. They only had a moment together before a lot of arms surrounded them. A full Losers group hug with Richie and Eddie in the middle. If it had been any other situation a group hug would be great. This wasn’t. 

After a few minutes of the seven of them standing in the middle of the driveway silently, Bill whispered to Richie: “open your head.” 

So he did. It was a shock but not that big of a surprise to find that all of his friends were fully in support of killing Sonia. Eddie was silent, but he wasn’t arguing and for Eddie that was a big deal. No one seemed to be concerned with the fact that Richie had thought about it. No one seemed concerned over the fact that he was still considering it. And he was. Actually considering it. 

“Don’t be stupid, Richie,” Eddie chided out loud. The noise broke them apart. They stepped back from the hug. Richie moved so he had an arm around Eddie’s waist instead of a full hug. The others were still close to them but no longer touching. “I’m okay.”

“You’re not,” Beverly argued. “And you saying that you are proves that you’re not.” 

“We can’t actually kill my mom.”

_ Why not?  _

Eddie looked at each of them. Genuinely surprised at the answer each of them had given him.  _ Because it’s murder. _

_ No one needs to know.  _

_ Don’t be ridiculous. _

There was a pause. The six of them looked around, marvelling at the fact that they were all willing to murder someone. Eddie stood stiffly, silently. Right then and there. They marvelled, but Richie wasn’t surprised. They’d supported Bev when she killed her dad, why wouldn’t they support Eddie - go as far as to help Eddie, they would have helped Bev - now? He’d gone to bat against a fucking demon clown for his friends. He’d go against some old lady. It made sense in some twisted but loving way.

“Can we go inside?” Eddie asked, his mind no longer open. To the group. To Richie, he kept a line of communication. _ I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  _

_ Okay. Okay, let’s go inside.  _

“Come on,” Mike said out loud. “I have some frozen pizzas I can put in the oven.”

He and Stan went into the main house, the rest of them going back to the barn. Richie didn’t let go of Eddie. From their silence, he was sure they were talking amongst themselves but he turned his attention to Eddie.  _ I’m sorry for upsetting you, Eds. _

_ She is my mom. I know you don’t get it but I love her and she loves me. I can’t just stop loving her. _

_ You’re right. I don’t get it. Because she hurts you. Not just like tonight, Eds, she’s fucked with your head as well. I mean it took ages for you to be comfortable with anything other than a small kiss because of what she told you.  _

Eddie sighed. _ I know. I know that, Richie, I do. But it’s still hard. She’s still my mom. _

“Bev?” Richie called out. “Your dad, did you love him?”

“It’s complicated. Before everything happened. He was my dad, it was hard not to.” 

“And now?”

She shook her head, “no. And I realised I never truly did. There isn’t a part of you who doesn’t love someone if you actually love them.”

_ I guess, _ Eddie said.  _ There isn’t a part of me that doesn't love you.  _

_ Every part of me loves you, Eds. Does every part of you love your mom? _

“I thought he loved me too before. But he didn’t because you can’t love someone and hurt them,” Bev interrupted. “They don’t love us and I think you already know that.”

_ I think I do know that, _ Eddie replied for the group. Mike and Stan listening in from the kitchen and the others sitting close to him in the barn.  _ I think I’ve always known that.  _

_ So can I kill your mom? _

_ Beep beep, Richie. _

~

Eddie was dancing to Rockin’ Robin with Stan in the barn when the clock chimed one in the morning. He just looked so happy as he danced. Calm and carefree. He hardly ever looked like that. It was probably the large amount of alcohol he had drunk over the night. Ben, Bill and Mike were sitting on the sofa beside them, talking out loud amongst themselves. Richie was sitting by the door with Bev, cigarettes in hand, watching his boy dance. Bev looked over at him, a smirk on her face. 

“I’m allowed to be sappy. We’re in love.”

“It’s disgusting.” 

“You and Ben are just as bad.” 

“We are absolutely not.” 

When the clock chimed, Eddie jumped before looking over to Richie with a smile. Richie beckoned him over and he came. Stan rolling his eyes at his back before going and sitting on the sofa arm beside Bill. Eddie collapsed onto Richie’s lap, Richie moving to hold his cigarette away from him. “Hey, baby. How are you?” 

“I was dancing.”

“And it was just so good.”

“You looked like a chicken who just got,” Bev made a funny noise and drew her thumb across her neck. Eddie stuck his tongue out at her, burrowing closer to Richie. He was more than a little drunk, it was cute. At the mental observation, Eddie looked up and frowned at his boyfriend. Beverly laughed, “you need to sober up, Eddie-baby.”

“Why can’t I be drunk?”

“You’ll regret it in the morning,” Richie answered. 

_ I’m having fun _ , Eddie replied before climbing off Richie’s lap and headed towards Bill. _ Let me have fun. It’s nice! I like not thinking.  _

_ Go ahead, Eds. I’m not going to stop ya. _

_ Billy, can I have a sip? _

“You’re drunk.” 

“That’s the fun part.”

Bill handed him the can of beer, Eddie taking it with a smile. In the back of his head, Richie felt Bev leave. A moment later, she was nudging him. Eddie looked over, confused, when Richie left the group head space but was reassured with a smile. 

_ Is he okay? _

_ I don’t know. _

She frowned,  _ I don’t think I’ve ever seen him drink as much.  _

_ No. He’s never been this drunk. Did you ever get drunk to deal with your dad? _

_ I smoked. _

_ Do you think? _

_ What? That he’s drinking because of his mom? _

_ Yeah. _

_ Yeah. _

Richie sighed.  _ Fuck _ .

“Come and dance with me, Richie!” Eddie called over, now holding a cup that Richie hadn’t seen before. 

_ Let him have his fun, _ Bev said.  _ We can deal with it tomorrow.  _

So that’s what he did. He went to Eddie and the two of them danced the night away, the others joining in randomly before leaving them to it as they wanted. At one point slow dancing together, though mainly it was jumping around to pop music. It must have been close to three when Eddie finally collapsed into Richie’s arms with a giggle. He was still drunk and had kept drinking throughout the night. Richie guessed the other Losers had caught on to his plan by midnight but no one tried to stop it. 

Looking back, Richie realised that he really should have been a lot more worried. 

~

Richie knew that he would never forget Eddie’s eighteenth birthday. It was the worst day of his life. He doubted anything could top it. 

He was in the car with his mom and dad early that morning, the three of them starting to heading towards Bangor. Only for an hour or two, so that he could be home in time to have the afternoon with Eddie. His parents respected that and knew that they wanted to spend Eddie’s birthday together. They also knew that they were in love and that probably helped Richie’s case for the ‘very very quick’ trip to Bangor. 

All of the other Losers were slowly waking up or still asleep. Eddie was closed off but Richie knew he was awake, the two of them had already talked that morning. And he had seemed so normal. Ben’s dream, some sort of weird chase scene in a never-ending school, was being projected to them all. Everyone who was engaged with the group judging it like a movie. That was the best, and only good, part of waking up early. 

“Did UCLA get back to you, about the scholarship?” Went asked, bringing Richie out of his thoughts. He blocked the others out for the moment. Shame, Ben was just waking up. 

“Yeah, and the University of Southern California. Both are offering full tuition costs.”

“How on earth did we get a genius as a child?” Maggie asked. “It’s amazing.”

“Magic.”   


Went laughed before catching Richie’s eye in the rearview mirror. “So, what are you thinking?” 

“USC has a better success rate in the media industry but Eddie’s going to UCLA.”

“I’d say not to use Eddie as a factor but,” Maggie sighed, “knowing you.”

“Stan and Mike are both going to USC, Bev and Eddie are doing UCLA together and Bill doesn’t know yet.”

Maggie smiled, “you’ve got some smart friends.”

“Yup,” Richie laughed. He didn’t need to tell anyone that he’d done their tests for them. It could be their Loser secret. Besides, it got them to the same two universities. “We’re thinking off renting a house together off-campus.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want to try dorming?” Went asked. “You can always live with your friends.” 

“We’ve been planning on living together for years. We can’t wait,” Richie replied. His parents didn’t try to argue their point. They knew that the Losers were closer than most friend groups. They probably knew there was no point. The Losers had planned on moving in together once they graduated high school and got the fuck out of Derry. Living halfway between the two schools seemed like the best idea - and a great idea, like Richie said: they couldn’t wait. 

Suddenly, a sharp shooting pain ripped through Richie’s stomach. He doubled over in his seat, groaning loudly. Both his parents jumped. “Holy fuck,” Richie groaned lowly as another wave of pain went through him. Went pulled the car over. “What the hell?”

He was aware of his parents talking to him, but all he could do was open his mind to his friends. What the hell was happening to one of them? 

_ What the hell is this? _ Beverly was asking. 

_ It feels like I’ve been shot, _ Bill replied. 

_ Is someone sick? _ Mike asked. The collective answer was no.  _ Would we even know if it was us who is sick? _ Mike continued.  _ If we’re all feeling it. _

_ I don’t think it’s me,  _ Ben replied. 

_ So you guys don’t know what’s going on? _ Richie asked as a wave of nausea spiked. He moaned, as did all his friends, and clutched at his stomach. Vaguely he was aware of his parents watching him.  _ This fucking sucks. _ All of them were in agreement. 

_ We all felt it at the same time, _ Stan said.  _ There wasn’t a delay unless it was Richie or Eddie- _

And then Eddie came on. His mind was worryingly blank. Like he was still blocking them, yet they could see him. 

_ Richie? _ He spoke, his mind still scarily empty.  _ Don’t be mad. Or sad. _

_ Promise. What happened?  _

Eddie looked down. In his hands was an empty pain-killer bottle. The wave of dread that came in all directions almost made him vomit. 

Richie tried to keep his head clear.  _ How many did you take? _

_ It was full.  _

“We need to get to Eddie’s house right now,” he spoke out loud. Startling his parents. “He’s trying to kill himself.” 

_ Don’t tell them!  _

_ What do you mean? I’m coming over, just stay awake.  _

Luckily for Richie, neither of his parents put up a fight. His dad just drove. Perhaps they knew that Richie would never joke like that. Or maybe they knew about the connection, who knows. They would probably have questions later, but in the moment they drove.

_ No one can know! _

_ That doesn’t make any sense, Eds.  _

_ Of course, he’s not making sense _ , Bev snapped,  _ he’s trying to kill himself.  _

_ I’m sorry! Don’t be mad, please.  _ Eddie said, crying now.  _ I just wanted to talk to you all again before I went to sleep. _

_ Eddie _ , Bill said,  _ when did you take them?  _

_ Just now.  _

_ How far away are you, Richie?  _ Stan asked. 

Richie looked out the window,  _ a minute. _

_ An ambulance is on its way, _ Mike said. 

_ I don’t need an ambulance. I just wanted to say goodbye. So you know that I love you and you all mean the world to me. Richie, please don’t be sad.  _

_ Of course I’m sad, baby. You’re sad. _ Way to oversimplify it. All of the Losers, aside from Eddie, were panicking. But it seemed the adrenaline had kicked in, everyone’s panic fading into the background slightly. What was important was dealing with Eddie. Not feeling the other’s fears. 

_ God, my stomach hurts _ , Eddie muttered. And then he disappeared. Instantly the panic was back. Until Richie felt Eddie knocking on their private connection. He let his friends know that Eddie wasn’t dead and talking to Richie before switching to only talk to Eddie.  _ I’m not sad anymore, Rich. _

_ Please just stay awake, baby. I’m so close. _

_ No. You should be in Bangor now.  _

_ We left later than we thought. _

Eddie seemed upset at the knowledge.  _ I didn’t want you to come. That would be hard for you.  _

_ It’s going to be hard on me no matter what, my love. I can’t lose you.  _

_ You deserve so much better than me.  _

_ Shut up. Eds, I swear. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. We’re going to work this out. _

_ I’m dying. _

_ Not today.  _ Went pulled up outside Eddie’s house. Before the car had fully stopped, Richie was out. Sprinting up the driveway, moving quicker than ever before. He pounded on the front door. Screaming Sonia’s name. Behind him, he was aware of his parents hurrying up to the porch. 

_ Go home. _

Sonia opened the door, glaring already. Richie had no time for her. Pushing past he ran up to Eddie’s room, going as fast as he could without falling. Behind him, their parents were talking, and then following. The Losers were pushing at his mind and without thinking about it he let them in. Eddie’s house had never seemed so big. 

Eddie’s door had a lock on it. Richie knew this, he’d helped install it. So when the door didn’t open the first time he tried, Richie simply kicked it. Apparently the adrenaline was really kicking in. It smashed against the wall. Probably leaving a dent. That was the last thing on Richie's mind. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, with the empty bottle still in his hands, was Eddie. A crying, fully dressed and freshly bruised, Eddie. Richie was kneeling in front of him in an instant. He took the bottle gently and placed it in his pocket. The EMTs would want to know what he took. 

“Eds. Baby, look at me.”

He kept staring at his hands.    


“My love. It’s going to be okay,” Richie took his hands. “I promise. You’re going to be okay.”

_ No, I’m not. _

Richie brought Eddie’s hands up to his lips. “I swear,” he muttered against them. “I swear you’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. You’re going to go to the hospital and then you’re going to come home with me and in a few weeks we’ll leave town and be so fucking happy.” 

_ I don’t deserve it. _

“You do.”

_ I love you. _

_ And I love you.  _ Outside, Richie could hear the ambulance approaching. Thank god. “Come on, Eds, we’ve got to go downstairs.”

_ Go to Bangor. It’ll be over when you get back. _

“If you think I’m about to leave you, you’re wrong.” Richie stood up, and tried to pull Eddie up as well. Eddie refused to move. “Come on, Eds.”

_ No _ .

_ Yes. _

_ I’m eighteen now. I can refuse care. And if you make me go then I’ll - _

_ I’ll follow,  _ Richie promised. It was a low blow. He probably shouldn't have thought it. But that was the truth. That was Richie’s first thought. That he would follow Eddie, even to death. 

Eddie, hearing those thoughts, stood up. Instantly he faltered, Richie bent down and picked him up, bridal style. Ready to carry him down to the EMTs. The flashing lights were coming in through the hallway window as they walked out. Their parents moved out of the way, all three of them seemingly shocked silent, and then followed them down the stairs. Richie had been in Eddie’s house a lot over the years. He was hopeful this would be the last time. 

He opened his mind when they got to the bottom of the stairs. The relief every Loser felt when they took in the situation was instant. Eddie wasn’t dead. Help had arrived. They would be okay. 

~

Fifteen minutes, everyone was sitting in the hospital waiting room. Mike had driven around, picking all the Losers and met Richie, his parents and Sonia at the hospital. Since they’d gotten in the ambulance and Richie had assured his friends that Eddie was okay, he’d blocked them out. His own thoughts were bad enough. He didn’t need the others as well. 

Eddie had been whisked away from him. He was still hurting, all of them could feel it but in a much duller sense, and he had started getting drowsy towards the end of the ride. His thoughts completely blocked, no matter how much pushing Richie did. All he could hope was that he wasn’t dead, that there would be some kind of - something. Anything that would announce to the group that he had passed, and that there hadn’t been anything like it. He’d have to know. They’d have to know. 

So Richie hoped and prayed to gods he didn’t believe in that Eddie would be okay. 

Stan was the first to pull him into a hug. The others joining them, letting Richie silently cry in the middle of them. If Sonia didn’t know before, she certainly knew that something was going on with him and her son. After the hug, the seven of them collapsed into the plastic chairs, pushing them closer to each other so they could touch. And that was where they sat, content to wait there until news arrived. 

It didn’t make any sense. Eddie had problems, yes, but he was getting better. He was! It was a slow process but Richie was right beside him. He knew that Eddie was slowly starting to believe them when they said he wasn’t what his mother called him. That he was becoming happy again. Why would he suddenly do this? Had Richie missed something, something huge? What signs could he have overlooked that showed Eddie wanted to do this? He still blocked them out sometimes, more than the rest of them did, but how could he have kept this to himself? 

Richie opened his mind up. Maybe his friends had an idea. When he did, all five of them looked at him. Part relief and part shock.  _ Real subtle.  _

Are you okay? Mike was the first to ask.

_ I’m trying to think why he would do this.  _

_ We were going through that as well, _ Stan replied.  _ We couldn’t figure anything out. _

_ He was fine this morning _ , Richie sighed.  _ We talked for a while before he got up. He was excited to have dinner with us all tonight and we talked about a surprise he had planned for you guys. I just can’t see why he would do this. _

_ What was the surprise?  _ Bev asked. 

_ I shouldn’t say. But it was about California. We talked about leaving together! And then Sonia-  _ Richie was about to do something really stupid. 

Before he could stand up, both Bill and Mike stood, blocking him. They stood in front of him, shoulder to shoulder. Vaguely, Richie thought about how strange it would have looked for everyone else. They reacted before Richie did anything. It was strange. And it was annoying for Richie. They weren’t letting him move, trapping him so he was standing in front of his chair. 

Over them, he pointed at Sonia. “What did you do to him?” His shouting startled Sonia, his parents and the nurses by the counter. All the adults snapping their attention to him. “What the fuck did you say to him? This is your fault!” 

“Calm down,” Stan said before Sonia could reply. “Richie.”

“No. She did this!”

“I do not know what you’re talking about,” Sonia replied. Her face twisted. 

“Yes, you do! He was happy until you came into his room. What did you do?” 

Sonia scoffed, “I didn’t do anything. It was probably you and your delusions, convincing him that you two were going to run off together.” 

“We are leaving! And I am going to make sure that he never has to see you again. You’re never going to hurt him again.”

_ You need to calm down. _

_ Richie. Calm down. _

“You’re crazy.”

“I know about it,” Richie said. Calmer than before. He relaxed, no longer leaning against his friends to try and get closer to her. “I know how you treat him. How you hurt him. We all know.” All the Losers looked at her, agreeing with him silently. Sonia froze up.  _ Good _ , Richie thought.  _ Hope her heart freezes and she fucking dies right here.  _

_ If you want to see Eddie when he wakes up, you need to calm down now. _

_ Bev’s right, _ Bill said.  _ They won’t let you in otherwise.  _

Richie sat bad down, resting his head against the wall and closing his eyes. “I’m not going to let her hurt him again.”   


_ None of us are _ , Bill said.

_ But yelling like that doesn’t help you. Okay? _ Ben asked. Richie nodded.  _ Good _ .

_ Eddie wouldn’t want you acting like that. _ Stan said. 

_ He’s not dead. _

_ I know that. He’ll be pissed if he finds out you didn’t listen to us. So listen to us.  _

“I’m calm.” 

_ Your parents are looking at us, _ Bev said.

_ I think they know something is up. They’re definitely going to know if you all look at them in sync like that again. God, you guys suck at that.  _

Maggie and Went were looking at them. He could see them in his friends' minds (all of them were looking, not helping their cause). They looked upset and worried. Not surprising, they loved Eddie. Maybe it was because they knew something was up. Richie had known that Eddie was going to kill himself when he shouldn’t have known. Either way, they looked scared. Hell, they looked worse than Sonia. It was embarrassing to witness. Richie really fucking hated Sonia. 

Bill sighed,  _ don’t work yourself up. _

_ How did I not know?  _ Richie asked. 

_ Because he made sure that you didn’t _ , Beverly replied.  _ When he’s better I think we should talk about it.  _

_ The fact that he tried to kill himself?  _ Richie scoffed,  _ I was going to talk to him about it actually. _

_ No _ ,  _ It _ . She replied softly. Stan reacted the worst. None of them reacted well. All of them snapped their heads to look at her. Again, not subtle but Richie couldn’t complain. He did it as well.  _ Clearly we have problems, and I don’t want to go through this again with any of you because we didn’t talk about it.  _

The response was clear. Yes, it was a good idea but no, they didn’t want to talk or think about It. All of them were happy to bury that down. As deep as they possibly could. Unless it led to another hospital trip. This time with only six of them leaving. That couldn’t happen. It just couldn’t. And if it meant them having to remember the horrors of that summer then they would. There wasn’t another option. 

As they were all thinking it over, the doctor that had taken Eddie away walked in. Instantly all of the Losers were standing up. Needing to hear what was happening. Sonia and the Toziers stood as well. He seemed surprised but didn’t comment. “You’re all here for Edward Kaspbrak, I’m guessing?” They all nodded. “He’s stable and awake. I can’t give out patient information but he’s awake and he will be okay.”

“Can we see him?” Richie asked before Sonia could. 

“He’s asking to see Richard and only Richard. Are you Richard?” Richie nodded. “Then you can see him.”

“I’m his mother,” Sonia replied. “I will be the first to see my son.”

The doctor shook his head, “I’m well aware that he’s your son, Mrs Kaspbrak. But he’s eighteen and if he doesn’t want to see you then I can’t force him to. And neither can you.”

_ Fuck you, Sonia. _

_ Alright. _

“Can I see him?” Richie cut in. 

“It’s one at a time right now, just letting you all know. Follow me, Richard.” He turned and walked away, Richie following. “He’s been asking for you since he got here.”

“And he’s okay?” 

“He is.”

_ I’ll give him some privacy. I’ll let you know how it goes.  _

“You two have some good friends.”

“We do,” Richie nodded. The doctor smiled at him before stopping in front of a curtained-off corner of the large room. There would be no privacy but that wouldn’t be an issue. Not for them. “Thanks.”

“Be aware that he’s still recovering.” 

“I know.” Richie pushed the curtain, stepping into the ‘room’ and leaving the doctor out there without another word. It was probably rude of him but he wanted to see Eddie. God, he looked awful. He was laying in the hospital bed, a machine beeping behind him and two IVs sticking into his arms. His eyes were closed and his face pale, but he was breathing and alive. That was what Richie cared about. 

Richie went to Eddie’s side. Hands suspended in the air for a moment before Eddie reached out and took one. “Hey, Eds.” 

“I hate hospitals.”   


“You regretting it?” Richie asked. Eddie looked at him and sighed, pushing on Richie’s mind as Richie answered himself. “I’m taking it as a yes.”

_ I’m sorry. _

_ You don’t need to apologize.  _

_ I do.  _

Smiling slightly, Richie kissed each of Eddie’s knuckles.  _ Why’d you do it, my love? What happened?  _

_ It was too much. Everything was too much.  _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ You kept me alive the last few months.  _

_ No. No, I’m sorry but no. I didn’t do that. The Losers didn’t do that. You did. How long have you been struggling with this?  _

Eddie shrugged, _ a long time. As long as I can remember. _

_ And you kept yourself alive that entire time. Not me. You. _

_ I also tried to end it.  _

_ But you got help, in that moment you got help.  _

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Richie smiled at him,  _ I yelled at your mom.  _

_ I heard.  _

“She had it coming.”

_ She said,  _ Eddie physically shuddered as he thought it,  _ said the same thing that It said to me in the sewers. She told me that I was going to die because I loved you. Amongst other things. _

_ I can see the other things. _ Richie gestured to the black eye and wrist now wrapped in a brace.

_ She found my acceptance letter and ripped it up. And then she told me that she’d kill me before I left her. I guess I wanted to get the jump on her.  _

_ Don’t joke about that _ , Richie pleaded. 

Eddie huffed,  _ Richie Tozier not joking about something. I never thought I’d see the day.  _

_ I never thought I would have to go through nearly losing you, again. Yet here we are. _

_ I’m sorry. _

“I said not to say that.”

“I meant what I said,” Eddie argued. “I didn’t want to upset you. I never did.” 

“Yeah, I know.”

“But I did.”

Richie started running his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Trust me. Right now, I am more than happy. You being alive is plenty.” 

_ Still, I should have thought about you. _

_ Don’t pin your life on me. You need to place it on you. _

_ Don’t know if I can. _

_ Then I guess pinning it on me is a good idea.  _

_ What about the Losers?  _

“They’re sitting in the waiting room. Waiting. Not patiently, I can guess that.“

_ I should talk to them.  _

_ At your pace. They understand. _ “Sonia’s here and so are my parents.”

“Maggie and Went are here?” 

“Yeah. They drove me to yours and then followed us here.”

_ I don’t know what I’m going to do. _

_ What do you mean? _

_ I think, no, I know that if I go back to that house I won’t walk out again. I am not strong enough to do that, Rich.  _

_ I also, may have, told your mother that she was never going to see you again.  _

_ And she took it really well, right? _

_ Wouldn’t know. Bill and Mike made me sit down so that I wouldn’t get us kicked out. I refused to look at her.  _

“Do you hate me?”

“Jesus. No. Where did that come from?” 

“I hate myself. Makes sense that you would hate me.”

Richie shook his head, “I’m at a loss here, Eds. I don’t know what to say to you. But I can start with, I love you and I think you’re amazing. Best kid this side of the Pacific.”

“Pacific?”

“Best kid in the whole country.”

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me kid.”

“Would spaghetti be better?”

Eddie laughed once and Richie preened. “Yes.” 

_ You’re going to regret saying that. _

_ Probably not. _

_ You do love my nicknames. _

_ I want to see Bill. _

_ Answer the question.  _

“I want to see Bill now.”

Richie stood up, bent over and kissed Eddie’s forehead before standing back up. “I’ll go and get him. Then I’ll talk to the doctor and see what’s up. Then, when you’re ready to go, you will come home with me and my parents. Like I promised at your house. From your face, I’m guessing that you don’t remember that. But I promised that you could come home with me and that we will be happy. I intend to keep that promise.”

“You’re the best.”

“He said into the mirror.”

_ I think this is the most serious I’ve ever seen you. _

_ I wonder why? _ Richie muttered.  _ I’ll go and get you Bill. See you soon? _

_ Of course. _ Eddie said, waving a little. 

Richie smiled before heading out of the curtain room and back to the waiting room. As expected, everyone was still there. Including Sonia. When Richie walked in they all turned to look at him. Clearly waiting for some kind of news. No one else was in the waiting room, and come to think of it hardly anyone was in the emergency room. That was good, Richie guessed. 

“He wants to see Bill,” Richie said. Bill was up before his name was finished. “He’s okay.”

As Bill passed, he placed a hand on Richie’s shoulder. “Are you alright?” 

“No. But I will be,” Richie replied. “You?”

“I can’t lose him. Not after - after Georgie.” 

“We know now. We can watch him,” Richie reassured. Bill smiled, it was strained and a deep sadness was in his eyes but he smiled. “Go. He wants to talk to you.” 

Beverly cleared her throat, “did the doctor say anything else?” 

“Just that he’s recovering and got good friends. I was going to go and find him, to see what happens next,” Richie said as he moved more into the room. Completely ignoring Sonia and going to sit in between his friends again, opening his mind up. But his gaze was on his parents. “He was really happy that you two were still here.”

“Of course we would be here,” Maggie answered. 

“I guess-”

_ Let’s not make any comments that will make Sonia angry _ , Stan interrupted. 

_ It’s fun. _

_ No _ .

“I know.”  _ There you go. I still think we should kill the bitch. _

_ Come on, _ Bev kicked his leg.  _ Let’s go and find the doctor. If he says Eddie can leave today we thought that we could and collect his stuff. So he doesn’t have to go back there.  _

_ That’s the best idea you’ve ever had. _

_ I beg to differ. _

The two of them stood up. 

_ It’ll be okay, _ Richie thought to the group. _ It will.  _

_ We overcame an alien clown,  _ Mike thought,  _ we can deal with this.  _

_ That’s the spirit. Alright, Beverly-Boo, let’s go and find out when I can bust Eds out of this place.  _

It’d be okay. It had to be. 

~

Eddie Kaspbrak was healing. Actually healing, this time. It was a process. Ups and downs but it was good. 

It meant the world to Richie every time Eddie smiled, laughed or even breathed. Too many times had that almost been taken from him. As the weeks went on the laughter became louder and more frequent. And that was enough for now. 

“Are you two going out tonight?” Went asked. The four of them were in the kitchen, cooking dinner together. It was something that Maggie and Eddie did every day. Even if Eddie was having a bad day. Maggie would drag him downstairs to help cook. 

“No,” Eddie shook his head. 

_ We’re not? _

_ You can go. _

_ Eds, we were both invited.  _

_ I don’t want to go out tonight. Don’t look at me like that, I'm tired.  _

“What’s going on?” Maggie asked. That was something else that had happened. His parents had figured out what was going with them. Apparently they’d known something was odd for a long time but hadn’t pieced it together until that day. Richie couldn’t blame them, mind-reading wasn’t the first place he would go either. But, apparently, Richie knowing what Eddie was up to was enough to persuade them. 

“We’re supposed to go out. Eddie doesn’t want to.” 

“You should,” Maggie said softly. 

_ Thanks. _

_ She’s right. _

“In that book, the one I got from the library, it said that socialisation can be really good. Even if it’s the last thing you want to do,” Maggie said. Eddie handed her a knife as she spoke before he started on the carrots. “Getting the energy to go out can be hard but once you’re there you’ll have fun. You love your friends so much. Seeing them will produce a happy chemical, which is what we want.”

“Thank you, Maggie. I know that. I am tired, in the literal sense,” Eddie replied. No one seemed convinced. “The happy chemical is also produced when I can go to bed early with Richie.”

“Sleeping too much isn’t a good thing,” Went said.

_ Don’t! _

“We don’t sleep,” Richie said over the top of Eddie’s thoughts. Eddie threw a piece of carrot at him. “If he didn’t want me to make the jokes, he wouldn’t set them up as well as he does.”

“I didn’t want that.”

“No one wants that,” Eddie muttered. “How about we go out for breakfast tomorrow? I heard that compromise is the pillar of any relationship.” 

Richie laughed, “sure. I think our relationship is a little different though.”

_ Why’s that? _

_ Smartass. _

“It’s freaky when you do that,” Went said. 

“What?” Richie asked. 

“Talk out loud and then stop.”

“It’s the coolest. Breakfast sounds good. But you have to promise that we will go for at least an hour, okay?” Richie said and Eddie nodded. “I’ll tell the others.”

Maggie smiled, “you two are so cute.”

_ Cute cute cute, right? _

_ No. _

Richie scoffed,  _ okay _ . 

“Whatever you're talking about,” Maggie interrupted, “can be discussed while Richie sets the table. Thank you.” 

Later on that evening, Richie and Eddie found themselves in their bed. The other Losers were together, happy with the plan of breakfast and all of them ready to arrive at the Tozier’s to carry Eddie out if needed. All of them had read the book that Maggie had gotten (Richie had read the book, with his mind open, which meant they all read the book as well) and they knew that being with his friends would help. Anything to help. They were good friends. But for now, the two of them lay together with some music playing quietly in the background. 

_ I think I might go to therapy. When we get to California.  _

_ That’s a good idea.  _

_ They won’t be able to help with everything,  _ Eddie sighed.  _ I can’t tell them that I fought a demon clown at thirteen. But I can talk about my mother. _

_ And your awesome boyfriend.  _

_ And my awesome boyfriend.  _

_ You could tell them about the clown, but that might cause more problems than they could solve. I would back you up, of course. We could both go to the nut-house then. Get married in group therapy. Have a reception with the nurses. They might even give us an extra jello-cup. _

As Richie spoke, Eddie started giggling out loud.  _ What are you talking about?  _

_ No fucking clue.  _

_ I don’t think I’ll tell them about the clown. I don’t even like jello. _

_ That’s the worst part about you. _

_ That just means you get my jello. _

_ Pros and cons. _

Eddie rolled his eyes,  _ you’re so strange. _

_ Yeah but you love it and that’s more embarrassing _ . Richie laughed. Without warning, Eddie’s mood turned dark. Well, no. Dark wasn’t the right term. Richie couldn’t describe it. It was a disturbing mix of sadness and nothing. Oftentimes accompanied by thoughts of failure and hopelessness. And, on the bad days, thoughts of ending it all again. As if that was the only way to stop the thoughts and the nothingness that hurt so bad. Those were really shitty days. 

Richie had to make sure his thoughts didn’t change. That his mood didn’t get worse while Eddie’s did. It happened by accident but it made everything worse. Like a never-ending of hurt between the two of them that did nothing to get Eddie feeling like himself again. So Richie tried not to be affected. Instead, he started imaging what his friends were doing - the most ridiculous scenarios he could think of. It was a temporary fix but anything to get Eddie out of that space.

_ ‘M okay. _

_ Yeah? That’s why you thought about it again?  _

_ I didn’t mean to. _

_ I know you didn’t mean to.  _

Eddie kissed Richie’s shoulder. _ I’m sorry. _

_ Please stop apologizing to me about this. That’s something you can work on with your therapist. That you feel like you should say sorry for hurting.  _

_ That’s not- _

He was going to a bad place. Richie could see it.  So he did what he always did - talk. _ A lie? I know, I am a genius. Speaking off, California! We’re going to go there and it’s going to be fucking great. We’re going to live with our friends. That’s going to be good because you’re always going to be socialising with them. Which, as we all know, is something that helps you. You’re never going to be alone! Isn't that amazing? I can’t wait. I wonder how Stan will feel, living with me? I think he’s going to break his sigh box. Maybe roll his eyes right out of his head.  _

“Jesus, talking is truly your talent.”

“The comedy scene is going to love me.” 

_ Can you do something for me? _

_ Of course. What do you need, Eddie Spaghetti.  _

_ For you to never call me that?  _

_ Nope, what else? _

_ Practise your voices?  _

Richie smiled.  _ I knew you loved them. _

_ No comment. _

That’s what he said. It was what he always said. But as Richie spoke, showing off his improvements to old voices and new ones that he was coming up with, Eddie didn’t stop smiling. 

**Author's Note:**

> <3


End file.
